In most Latin American countries, there is a sacred tradition called the sobremesa, the after-lunch, after-dinner interlude filled with pleasant conversation, jokes, stories, singing, and dancing that sometimes goes  on until dinner time  I have to figure out how to make a tradition of it here in New York, or I will have to either stop entertaining, or limit my guests to Latinos who know and enjoy the tradition.

I love to entertain and will spend weeks figuring out the guest list, and then spend days on the menu that I will, horror of horrors, shop for and cook myself with the able chopping help of my assistant.  I usually choose intricate menus, featuring many of my favorite dishes, and lovingly prepare them over two days.  Yamile serves and when dessert comes, I am finally able to relax and start looking forward to some real conversation  that will flow easily without my having to do my hostess bit and enjoy  magic tricks, jokes, songs etc.  Then someone has to leave and there is a mass exodus and, there I am at 10:00 at night, feeling cheated and most unhappy.  The effusive thank you  notes bring some comfort but do not make up for a good conversation.

I discussed this with a Mexican friend tonight who suggested inviting people to the sobremesa with an off-handed remark, such as “dinner served before” but I don’t think that would work.  I can’t keep eliminating people who eat and run because I’d be left with few possible guests I want to see. A US American said to me: “Why would you want them to stay?”  And I think people leave because they think that they should  because I must surely be tired after making all that food! That is the difference between US hospitality and the Mexican tradition of entertaining that usually morphs into a sobremesa party.  It is a custom that I will somehow establish here because otherwise I am left with an empty feeling and what’s the point?